Parent education workshops

Empowering children

It’s absolutely essential to empower children with necessary skills for helping them become respectable, obedient, educated; and when they grow up: hardworking, intelligent and successful human beings. It’s mandatory that parents love their children, fulfill their desires, make them happy, and not deprive them. All parents toil hard in their own capacities and would never intentionally do things to hamper their child’s development. Everyone out there is the ‘best’ parent because they put in their ‘best’ for their children. But the outcomes of these efforts sadly are often not.

Where parents go wrong

Parents don’t need to be pessimistic, but it’s nice to be realistic. Some parents are over-protective, others overindulging. Keeping children ‘up close and safe’ is the best according to some; although it may not be good for the child’s development. Likewise, spanking kids, scolding them when they do something unpleasant, and screeching at them if and when they misbehave, are certainly not the best disciplining moves either.

The best may not be enough

Children need their parents’ love and attention. They need every bit of parental guidance at every step of their development. If parents do feel that they are doing all that they can, it is essential to take a step further and do even better than the best. All children must grow to be independent, and they must choose to do the right thing by themselves. Parents must always be there in the background: maybe 4 feet away, maybe in another room or probably a few miles away. But children believe in their presence and choose to behave right. (Parents can be simulated with God; we cannot see Him but we ‘feel’ and choose to believe in Him so we do the right thing). Kids also need to do the right thing not for fear of punishment, or greed of reward. They must do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. That is discipline. That is what parents need to learn to inculcate.

Discipline for parents

Not just kids, adults need to follow discipline too. Parents need to be tolerant towards their child. They need to make amends in their wrongdoings and promise themselves that they will deal with children maturely, entrench the right thought processes in them and shape their behavior gently. The tough branch breaks if struck hard (like all stubborn children who don’t like to be scolded). If we gently use heat, we can even bend glass without breaking or scorching it.

Why parents need to change

Parental understanding of the word “discipline” can be far from reality. Each has their own parenting theories. Many equate discipline with reacting negatively to bad behavior. Most don’t realize that discipline is mostly what one needs to do to encourage good behavior. It’s better to prevent a child from falling down in the first place than to patch up crashes and scrapes after he or she has taken the tumble. Disciplining is about preventing bad behavior.

What parents need to do

Discipline is everything parents put into their children that influences how the kids actually turn out. Parents need that guidance system that keeps their children in check at age three to keep behavior on track at age thirty. They need this system to be integrated into the child’s personality from the outset. All parents want well behaved children, thus all parents will make benefit of learning what is the right thing to do to assure that.

MINDFRAMES: Reframing parenting

Research on children’s development shows: the most positive outcomes for children occur when parents use democratic styles in their thinking’ as well as actions. Children with permissive parents tend to be aggressive act out and tantrum more while children with overtly autocratic parents tend to be compliant and submissive but they have very low self-esteem. Indifferent parenting is as if these kids don’t have parents. The democratic style builds emotionally strong, intelligent and confident children. No parenting style will work unless parents build a deep and strong loving bond with your child. These workshops help facilitate that and more.

Parent’s goals for children

Parenting is a lot more than child birth and the biological relationship.

  • Building respect for authority
  • Fostering honest relationships
  • Instill a sense of responsibility
  • Promote yearning for learning
  • Inculcate a good sense of humor
  • Build problem solving skills
  • Foster interpersonal sensitivity
  • Allow appropriate goal focus
  • Allow personal decision making
  • Inculcate integrity and solemnity
  • Build on confidence and esteem
  • Instill a sense of self regard
  • Engendering an empathic nature
  • Cultivate healthy sexual identity

Parenting do’s

Rules don’t exist only for children.

  • Be honest and open with children
  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable
  • Set personal examples for them
  • Do things you’d like them to do
  • Be their role models and heroes
  • Set rules and make them follow
  • Generate structure in their lives
  • Respect their feelings at all times
  • Listen whenever they want to talk
  • Believe your kids and trust them
  • Let them know they can trust you
  • Let them know you are their pillar
  • Show that you are there for them
  • Spend time with them if they ask
  • Tell them you’re proud of them
  • Be open with praising children
  • Be careful and precise in criticism

Parenting don’ts

While rules express what parents must do, there is a lot they mustn’t.

  • Do not say things you don’t mean
  • Do not be overtly authoratitive
  • Do not scream or screech at them
  • Do not over indulge in them either
  • Do not make them feel ‘small’
  • Do not trust just half the facts
  • Do not belittle or mock their fears
  • Do not make fun of your children
  • Do not let them be disrespectful
  • Do not encourage play violence
  • Do not criticize them in public
  • Do not ignore bad behavior ever
  • Do not misinterpret attachment
  • Don’t ignore them, they need you
  • Don’t try and get ‘even’ with them
  • Don’t displace anger on them