Adoption is one of the many selfless acts of humankind. Parenting an adopted child is not very different from nurturing a biological one. Many parents have their own biological child and yet adopt, to express their love beyond their own biological outcome. Adoptive parents strive for the best for their children, like all parents do; yet there is always that slim chance and incidence of turmoil that all parents have to endure. This may be more at times in case of an adopted child. Many a time parents are more tolerant of the behavior of biological children because they have an awareness of their own traits when they were children. It becomes easier to presume that biological children will outgrow these traits. However in case of adopted children one is unaware of their background and this may sometimes act as a source of stress for the worried parents who want to do their best but lack direction.

While parents have unconditional love for their little ones, deep-rooted views of the relatives, other family members and neighbors may not essentially match. Sometimes unaccepting relatives, friends and neighbors express scorn towards these children and mixed messages can be harmful to the child’s emotional development. If people decide to make an issue of things, children are unable to understand why and they tend to blame themselves for no apparent reason. It is only prudent to take the right steps at the right time in raising the adopted child, to make things as normal as possible for him or her.

Adopted children will want to talk about their adoption and parents should encourage this process. There are excellent children’s storybooks available in bookstores and libraries which can help parents tell the child about being adopted. Children have a variety of responses to the knowledge of their adoption status. The child may deny the adoption or even create fantasies about it. Frequently, adopted children hold on to beliefs that they were given away for being bad or may believe that they were kidnapped. If the parents talk openly about the adoption and present it in a positive manner, these worries are less likely to develop. It is important to know that adopted children:

• Need discipline and love like all other children, they are no different; they are human too
• Will not have the same intelligence, demeanor, personality and looks as adoptive parents
• Should not be ostracized for misbehavior as they have their struggles like other children
• Are simple human beings just like all children and they deserve the same respect and love
• May develop behavior problems, aggression, depression on knowing the adoption status
• Are not to be blamed for their inadequacies. It is not their fault for what happened to them
• Are like gifts from God, they have been adopted for a reason and that should only be love

Many reports have revealed elevated incidence of behavior troubles, ADHD, learning disabilities and subtle neurological deficits in adopted children and these are unwanted surprises for the parents. Needless to say, there is a possibility that these children who are put up for adoption may have had parents who could have been from low socio economic strata, poor hygiene conditions, antenatal infections and complications; there are high chances that biological parents who may have been drug users too in several cases. There is one truth: these children are not responsible for their parent’s inadequacies. Even though they may possess genetic deficits, their environment needs enrichment and behavior troubles can always be treated with intervention.

Parents should deal with behavioral troubles delicately and children should receive professional help if needed. Adopted children should learn of their adoption from the adoptive parents. This helps give the message that adoption is good and that the child can trust the parents. If the child first learns about the adoption intentionally or accidentally from someone other than parents, the child may feel anger and mistrust towards the parents, and may view the adoption as bad or shameful because it was kept secret from them. Here at MNDFRAMES we offer pre-adoption counseling, a structured procedure involving an explanation of the adoption process, the legalities involved, the anticipated problems that may arise, tips on how to raise an adopted child and help in case of emotional turmoil.